Dear Mom,
I don't think anyone ever gets over a loss like this. We just learn how to deal with or compartmentalize the grief. But deep down, it's always there. A hole in my heart that just cannot be filled by anyone or anything else.
There are so many things that I buried that I have been forced to face this year that make this year just a little harder.
Anger - at you for getting sick and then for leaving me, at the universe for making you sick, at ALS for not having a cure, at myself for a myriad of reasons, and life for continuing on and not allowing me the chance to process any of it.
Sadness - that you are not here to talk to, to give advice, to know Ava, to help, and quite frankly sad that there was maybe another life I could have lived if things were different.
Guilt - soooo much guilt which I blame you and the Catholic Church for!
I just miss you, sometime more than I can bear. I hope that you are watching over us. I hope you are dancing and laughing. And more than anything, I hope I have made you proud and that I am like you. You were a great mom. You were a great friend. You are everything I am and the world was a better place when you were here.
Thank you for being my mom, for putting up with me, and for loving me even when I was a royal pain in the ass. For what it's worth: I am glad I had you at all, even if it was cut too short, than to never have had you in my life.
