I cannot believe you have been gone for 10 years. It feels like a whole lifetime and no time at all. I don't think there will ever be a time that it isn't hard without you, but this year is harder than past years.
Ava is turning 11 and starting middle school. I am having a hard time with it. I could really use your guidance, advice, and support. I wish you were here to help me and Ava navigate through her preteen and teens. I am sure I would get a bunch of "I told you so's"! I spend most days feeling like a failure or wondering how bad I am screwing her up. I try to tell myself that is the sign of a good parent, a parent who is trying....but having you here to reassure or just lend an ear would make a world of difference.
I will never not be angry that you are not here while shitty mothers are. You know who😉 And I can hear you in my head telling me how wrong I am for thinking that. Probably telling me you are disappointed in me for saying something like that. But, I don't care. I would 100% trade someone else to have you here.
I hope you are proud of who I am and the choices I have made. It's hard not knowing. It's just rough sometimes. Sometimes a girl just needs her mom. I could go on and on....You are with me always. I will miss you and love you forever.
Love,
M
